It's A Long Hard Road Out of Heavan

Finding God

My path to finding God was unique to me, as all paths to enlightenment are unique to the traveler. It did not begin as a child with my asking God for forgiveness, then being baptized in a giant spa. It also did not begin when I was a young teen and once again found myself asking for forgiveness, for apparently I had thought that I had strayed. Sitting in the pews listening to a heart and gutwrenching sermon by Don Babin at Old Saline Baptist Church Revival. Nor did my path to enlightenment lie along the witnessing and wearing of funky Jesus clothing over the next year or so. None of these sporadic trips to church or the unquestioning belief that God was watching over were part of my discovery of God. Because traveler how can you actually discover something that you believed was there all along. No, I didn't find God until I finally started to doubt his existence.

By the age of eighteen, maybe a few years sooner I had finally begun to question God's existence. Mostly this was due to my manic depressive behavior. I had a bleak outlook at my life and the world in general. Those kinds of views do not hold well with the belief that a loving God is watching over you. I thought the world was out to get me and almost everyone hated me. I didn't really believe in God anymore, but then again I didn't exactly not believe in him. I didn't think about him much. It didn't seem that important or that big of a deal.

But what did occur to me as semi-important and strange was that until this point in my life I had never questioned the existence of the almighty. I had just accepted. I had perfect blind faith. I was told from the time I was able to speak, hear, and comprehend that God created me and everything else, and he loved me. Because this was told to me by my parents, grandparents, teachers, and other respected adults I never questioned it. Hell, I was told that just to question it was blasphemy, but I didn't even understand why someone would question it at the time. Growing up, everyone, and I mean everyone I personally knew were Christians. The only other contact I had with other lines of belief were the few pagans on TV, or Goddamn Satan Worshippers as my grandfather was fond of calling them. And what I read about other countries where Buddhism, Hinduism, or something else was prominent. I can't be sure, but if I had to guess I would say that I was well into double digits before I even realized there were other religions. I thought everyone everywhere was a Christian.

Since I had this realization of my blindfaith I have wondered just how many people have ever questioned there beliefs or have just accepted them, and I am not just talking about Christians. Because I am sure that Muslim children are subject to a similar line of thinking. How many people that are immersed in a culture just accept the dominant religion as fact because if it is the most popular it must be right?

Anyway back to my finding of God. I was twenty years old when I found him. It was a warm January night and I was laying in a bed at the Pelican Inn in Shreveport, Louisiana. The next day I would be heading off to Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri for basic training. I was absolutely terrified. I was alone. I had no idea how hard this was going to be, but I knew it would be hard and I also knew that I would have to do it alone. I didn't want to do it alone. Being alone scared me more than anything. Yes I realize I have used the word alone four times in the last five sentences. I closed my eyes and couldn't sleep because I was too wound up, too nervous. I decided then on a impulse to ask a God that I no longer really believe in to come to me and comfort me and stand with me because I couldn't handle being alone. At that moment I felt an inner peace that warmed me and calmed my pounding heart. The next morning I didn't exactly bound out of bed, but I still felt better. The entire time I was in basic I went to church and read my bible for comfort. When I got home I attempted to go to church on two occasion and realized that I wouldn't be able to, I came home on both attempts angry as hell. But my faith was strong. Over the next few years it stayed strong, but it changed a lot. I was constantly trying to reconcile what I felt in my heart, what I knew in my head, and what I would see with my eyes with God. I still continued to read my bible and for the first time in my life I really had a relationship with a God that was not based on blind faith. I didn't believe in God because I was told to, I had my own reasons to believe.

(..........To be continued)

The Kids Are Alright

I had a different post in mind, but this issue came up twice in as many days in my life and now I can't get it off my mind. So I believe I will yank these thoughts out of my head and put them here. These thoughts aren't fine silver threads and this isn't a pensieve but maybe this will clear my head for finals.

Stop blaming pop culture for crazy people and bad parenting.

That is it in a nutshell, but I will elaborate. I am tired of listening to people blame the violent or uncontrolled behavior of their kids on video games, movies, television, books, and news. Now, I will make the obvious statement that people like me do and that is to say that I have enjoyed and partook in these timekillers and have never once murdered anyone, beat up random strangers, shot anyone, raped anyone, or joined a cult. With that a critic might say, "But not everyone is like you." And I would agree, some people have issues. But they did not get them from Grand Theft Auto, Quentin Tarantino, or Stephen King. These are what is sometimes known in the insurance business as pre-existing conditions. If a guy watches Natural Born Killers 21 times in a row and then goes out and murders a family, did watching Natural Born Killers 21 times in a row make him crazy or did he watch Natural Born Killers 21 times in a row because he was crazy. I realize what I might be doing here is trying to solve the chicken and egg debate, but to me you just don't watch a movie 21 times in a row if you are sane.

But I digress, we are not talking about a crazy man watching movies and then committing a crime, no what we are talking about is what kind of harm these mind numbing activities has on our children. Because our children are so much worse today than before Rockstar Gaming, Interenet Pornograpy, and Harry Potter? Or maybe our perception of them is worse? Hmmm......But that is not really the point of my post, but we will get to that too some in here and in a later post. Some of you may find this hard to believe, but the world was a violent place before Bill Gates re-invented the computer, and before Mario ever ate a shroom and stomped an oomba. Before children were running around San Andreas as CJ shooting up San Fiero, children were running around their backyards with toy guns or sometimes BB guns and shooting at each other while pretending to be Wyatt Earp, or sometimes bad guys like Jesse James or Billy the Kid. What is the rationale that says that acting out the murders of people in your backyard with friends and fake to semi fake firearms is better than acting out through someone else via a television. Now when it is put this way both sound pretty disturbing, but one of these is constantly attacked as being a horrible influence on children and one of these is the cherished childhood pasttime of cowboys and indians, or cops and robbers.

Before everyone but Steve Buscemi got a bullet in them at the end of Reservoir Dogs football was invented. It's North American incarnation came about as far back as 1861 and involved no pads and alot hitting, fighting, and injuries. Most young boys today idolize their favorite sport stars wearing jerseys or hanging posters and most people find this acceptable, hell I do. But yet we say that the mindless violence of a movie or game will corrupt their mind, but the mindless violence of a spectator sport is ok. Okay, hell alot of people think it is admirable, hell I do. Also, boxing has been around since 1891 and the sole purpose of this sport is to beat the other guy senseless, there is no pretending involved there like in a movie, the two men (or women sometimes) actually beat the shit out of each other.

Now I could keep going with these examples, it would be all to easy to point to incidences of violence in history that could have affected children. But that would just drag this out and make my post longer than necessary. The point is that violence has always been there, to scare, excite, or entice children. We as humans are fascinated by violence that is why Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jerry Bruckheimer are such big draws, and that is why they can charge $50.00 to watch a prize fight. But because a child might view these acts of violence, and if you believe it, might be influenced to commit the horrible acts they witness, should we ban and destroy all these things, should we tone it down to make it more kid friendly, or maybe, here's a crazy idea, should we be better parents?

This is the very large problem and concern for me. It seems to me that the parents that detest and protest violence, sex, and drugs in the media don't want to parent their kids thmrselves. They want all of America to be responsible and parent their kids. They don't want their children to play God of War so God of War should be banned, They don't want their children to watch South Park so they think that the rest of America shouldn't be allowed to watch South Park. Why is it my job to sacrifice for your children? Your job as a parent is to protect your child so if you have a serious problem with these things you should definitely not let your child enjoy these fine things, but this responsibilty falls to you not me. Personally I like violence, sex, and drugs in my pop culture.

Here's the thing I am getting to, growing up my mother didn't think I should watch Porky's, so you know what, she didn't let me watch Porky's. My mother didn't think I should listen to Gun's N Roses "Appetite for Destruction" so when my aunt got for me on Christmas she took it away. Do I think that Porky's or GNR would have created inappropriate thoughts or behavior? No, but my mother did, so she did her job as a parent she protected me from something she found harmful.

Now I don't believe in the "blame the parents" philosophy dispite how it sounds. I believe each person is ultimately responsible for his or hers on actions regardless of how they were raised, or what they watched. In the end each person has to stand as an individual and start thinking for themselves, but it never hurts to have a good role model and that is what a good parent can be. The point is I think for parents to be to blame then pop culture.

For those of you who have stuck it out this far I salute you. This post has not been perfectly concise or linear, but I hope that I have made my point clearly. If my next post is the one that I had originally intended on, it will be better written. But that is my problem when I get upset about something, I may make some great argument and rebutals, but they are usually jumbled.